So, today I had a lengthy convo about a past hurt. I mean a devestating, past hurt. Okay, so I wouldn't necessarily call it a conversation because I was mostly just listening. It was kinda uncomfortable because I didn't really know what to say, and I asked this person if he/she wanted my HONEST opinion. dangerous ground... But, the answer was yes. So, I was. I am not going to lie, it was awkward because I knew that what I was going to say was not what this person wanted to hear. That's all I'm going to say about that convo.
But, I do have a question. So, when people ask you to be honest with them, what does that really mean? I know that part of being honest is being able to discern whether or not your honesty will be helpful or harmful, but what if it's really hard to discern? Do we err on the side of being sensitive or on the side of being brutally honest? Ah, just some thoughts.
"I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick-skinned...and it hurt that my friends never stood down wind..."
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
putting your past behind ya.
Posted by hotstones at 6:08 PM
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5 comments:
Shoot...you already know my answer to this, but IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, if the person asks for it, it's on them. You want me to be honest? I'll be honest.
Now definitely, even I've gauged myself at times and tip-toed around my honesty when I've felt that the person wanting the honesty couldn't really hack it, but for the most part, I'll usually ask them again, "You sure you wanna hear the truth?" and then I let her rip!!
Again, just my humble, arrogant, matter-of-fact opinion.
Sometimes the person needs to be hurt to affect change. I sometimes feel that way. Being hurt is a part of life. That's how we grow. That's what separates us from animals. In this case, yes, having feelings are beneficial. Maybe I'm just justifying "being honest," but that's how I feel. Sorry so long...
IMHO, I only ask for honesty if I really want to know. I have to admit, that sometimes I DON'T want to know, so I won't ask. If I do ask, I really do want to know, how ever hurtful it may be.
Oops, that last one was me. Jay was using my computer and he didn't sign out.
Sorry, one more thing to add. Whenever I ask someone to be honest (usually I ask Deena), I end up getting mad (according to Deena), but in the end, I wouldn't want it any other way. The truth shall set you free, and if people only want to hear lies, then they're gonna become a prisoner in their own little messed-up, make-believe world.
A lot of people are comfortable with that. We all retreat back to what makes us comfortable, but again, if you really want to know the truth, in my humble opinion, you can't get mad at the person giving you the truth. Well, you can get mad, but it's your fault for asking for it.
Haven't we all "lied" to someone, only to have that person later find out the "truth", and then they ended up getting mad at you anyway for trying to "protect" them? That kinda sucks too, right? I've heard of people messing up their friendships because of that. You know, the whole "you should've told me, I thought you were my friend" BS. Hate that even worse...
agreed. I mean, to an extent..but that's probably because I'm scared of the truth sometimes. LoL! No, for real but. I'm just weird like that. I wanna hear the truth, but I am sensitive and get hurt easily. But it's not like I'm not going to listen to what you have to say, 'cuz I will.
I guess it's like what J was saying about having "lied" to a friend. "You should've told me, I thought you were my friend." Who HASN'T used that line sometime in your life? I think the bottomline is...no matter what you say, it comes back to the HEART of it. What's your motivation for saying what you're saying? And, if the motivations of your heart are pure and good and well-intentioned AND the other person doesn't see that, maybe we gotta work a little harder at showing that heart.
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