Bittersweet

Today was my last teaching day for the year. I know most people would be happy. I know most some would be looking forward to the bonus vacation. I'm not. I had a hard time going to school today. My heart was super heavy.

Mark and I were talking this morning. I was trying to put into words exactly how I was feeling, all I knew was that I felt like I was sinking into depression. Here's part of what I came up with.

• Some teachers LOVE to teach. They love imparting knowledge to anyone and everyone. They love to learn. They spend time thinking of what they'll teach.

• Some teachers LOVE the craft of teaching. They love creation and innovation. They spend time thinking of how they'll teach.

• Some teachers LOVE the kids. They love being around the kids and building relationships with them. They spend time thinking about who these kids are and what they need.

• And some don't LOVE anything about the job at all except the vacations, benefits, the fact that you can show up at anytime, leave whenever, and get free ipads.

I think I fall into the third category. I like being around the kids. Being in the classroom fills my cup (and drains it, too) and it's a huge part of my identity. Being in the classroom is where I honestly believe God has placed me. I wonder who I'll be for half a year when I don't have it. And I'm sad to be leaving it for 6 months. BUT...

I know that this is a new season. I know that this is a break that is necessary. I remember a year ago wishing...begging...bargaining to have a second chance with pregnancy. Here's my second chance. So, while I'm terribly sad to be leaving my kids, I'm confident that they will be in good hands. When I say that, I'm not talking about the teacher that enters my classroom after me. I know that God's hand will be on each and everyone of them.